•August 18, 2009 • 3 Comments

Just got back fae work and, well, this was stuck to the fridge.

“I’m a lucky Swan

Cause I’ve found the wan

And that one is you

But not at the zoo

But in Bellshill Park

We left a mark

Upon a tree

Just you and me

But now we are three

Swan,  Mole and Bong-ee!

A happy family are we

Thanks to parsnips

Who brought the Mole to me

I love you honey

Because you are you

The Best Damn Mole

in the world     x


No more fighting. Remember to take the mince out of the freezer”



Who says romance is dead?


Lifestyle Change

•August 3, 2009 • 1 Comment


Right, first of all, I’m no giving up fags. Maybe later but my main aim the now is tae shift aw this fat.

How I’m gonnae do this is by eating less shite, eating more fruit and veg and going tae the gym aboot 3 times a week.

I don’t know whit I weigh the now, I know that’s terrible but I honestly have no clue.

Soon as I find oot, I’ll get my action plan drawn together. I’ve started this online diary type thing that charts your exercise, weight loss, diet and figures oot work works best for you. I think that’s whit it does anyway.

So aye, expect lots of boasting and smugness, maybe even some photies of me before and after.

New Job

•April 17, 2009 • 6 Comments

Aye, I’ve managed tae land myself a job. Finally, after months of  looking I’ve got whit seems tae be a cushy wee job at Sainsburys.

Today was my first day, never really did much, just being shown where fire exits are and filling oot forms anaw that.

But do you ever find yourself in a new environment and notice wee things?

Here’s 5 things I saw the day:

1: Someones smelly boots in my locker.

2: Guy in the bakery talking tae himself.

3: A video on how tae clean up sick and piss.

4: Old man walking aboot wi biro ink on his face.

5: An old woman version of Rupert the Bear. Aye, the scarf anaw.


I’m certain I’ll grow tae hate it like I end up hating every job but it’s only 12 hours a week so it might take a few years tae get there.

Mid-twenties crisis

•April 5, 2009 • 3 Comments

No quite but I’m reaching a point in my life where I need tae decide what’s gonnae be the best thing to do.

Earlier this year, I left my full time job and vowed never tae work in the financial services industry ever again. Now at college, doing something I’m interested in and that makes the most of my potential.

What’s next? Gonnae start going tae the gym. I’m getting fat as fuck and I feel generally unfit and nearly deid.

Cost is the only thing keeping me fae starting the day. The council have gyms in various sports centres and you pay every time you visit as opposed tae a monthly fee. Or Edinburgh/Heriot Watt uni have a cheap gym that non-members can use for under £3 a go.

Diet. I don’t really believe in diets, but combined with exercise, changing what ye eat should make ye feel better. I’ve had various illnesses over the past year and I think it’s because I’ve been neglecting my body, been totally stressed, not sleeping, eating shite, worrying etc. Still deaf in my left ear since the eardum burst but that’ll get fixed soon, I hope.

I’m going to see if I can make this the best year of my life.

Waiting on the ASDA man the day and efter that, I’m away oot a big fucking walk somewhere. Portobello beach or something. Went a walk doon the Water of Leith, about four hours the other day.

I am in control.


•March 26, 2009 • 4 Comments

There’s no enough hours in the day.

Things are going aw shite again and I cannae be bothered! Gonnae walk intae Burger King and ask for a job, that’s how bad I need one. Been on the phone lying to the bank, cancelling direct debits so they cannae get their money. Loan ends next month so I’ll be a bit better off.

Aw I’m just having a fucking moan. Have to churn oot an essay for themorra but my pals comeing roon the night for her birthday so I’ll no get any work done. My ears still fucked, cannae hear a thing and the other ones popping anaw, shiting it incase it goes as well.

So I’m bumping college. This one day will sort things oot so it’s worth doing. It’s that sinking feeling in yer stomach, that feeling that says “Ya fucking idiot… sort yer life oot before it gets worse”

So I’m listening tae it for a change!

On a good note, I’m making these later so despite aw the shite, I’m bound tae have a good night.

This shall be known as the Moany Cunt post. Contribute yer moans here.

Let it aw oot.

Ginger Boys

•March 15, 2009 • 6 Comments

Right. I’ve noticed this alot over the years and just saw something online that reinforced my theory more.

Ginger guys.

Most of them are called Ross or Kevin.

Anyone agree?

Any geeks oot there?

•March 12, 2009 • 4 Comments

I’ll keep it simple.

Star Wars.

What’s this ship called?

It kinda looks like a hammerhead shark...

It kinda looks like a hammerhead shark...